One Liners

• Some German sausages are well behaved, and some are just brauts.
• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
• We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
• I didn't like my beard at first Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
• Velcro — what a rip off!
• A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.
• Of all the puns that strike me while reading the Spiderweb forum, I only post about 1/10th of them.
• Do you know why Vegans want to control what we eat?
  They believe if everyone stopped eating meat we could all live in Peas and Hominy.
• I used to be a gigolo, but then I decided to become a poet.
  It seems that after that, my career went from bed to verse.