Scorched Earth Party Position Paper:
Hello, my friends and followers. Today, I am going to speak on a topic near and dear to many of our hearts - violence in the many media forms that permeate our lives, much as sticky slime pervades a slug.
Lately, great, booming cries has arisen in this land of ours for labels to be placed on tapes, video games, guys in singles bars, etc. marking them as more violent that the norm. This would be a very good thing. Many has been the fruitless hours I have spent in the local Sam Goody trying to find some nice tapes with songs about disembowlment of police officers and women with self-esteems, by guys with names like Ice Dog and Hammer Killer, only to end up with something not at all violent by someone with a promising name like Yo-Yo Ma. And many has been the quarter I have wasted on games where the enemies disappeared in modest puffs of flame, instead of falling gently backwards, as their heart pulses in my hand.
My friends, this has to stop. Violence labels must be put onto products as soon as possible. Otherwise, how will we know what to shop for?
Before a stimulating and enthralling TV show, there should be a BIG, BOOMING voice, saying "The program you are about to watch has really KICK ASS scenes of VISCERAL VIOLENCE, including this bit where a guy gets HIS ASS RIPPED OFF!" In tape stores, there will be VILENCE (misspelling intentional) sections, with a wide variety of mindless, jarring, unmelodic musical entertainments. And occasionally, when you walk down the street, someone will KICK THE CRAP OUT OF YOU FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER!
And anyone coming up with this namby-pamby Barney, Mr. Rogers, My So-Called Life, Donahue shit with lots of love and peace and mutual understanding of fellow human beings tripe will be beaten to death with a lead pipe.
Scorched Earth Party -
"Beavis and Butthead are all around us. You look down on them. But when they kick down your door bearing lead pipes and Scorched Earth Party badges, you won't be laughing then, will you, smart guy?"
- Jeff Vogel Scorched Earth Party (Support alt.politics.scorched-earth!)
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