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Mac vs. PC

It recently came out in the wash that I, Jeff Vogel, presidential candidate of the Scorched Earth Party and Last Great Hope of a Civilization gone soft, am a Mac user. Certain individuals expressed concern about this. Perhaps I should explain.

The other day, a person tried to pick an argument about which platform was better. I won't say which he preferred, I will only say that he displayed the level of mindless, nit-picky, loser fanatacism and utter lack of connection with reality you usually see in people who pick these kind of arguments.

I am a great fan of fanatacism. However, when fanatacism is spent on something so trivial and is not accompanied by an appropriate level of violence, it mildly irritates me.

Anyway, as my lead pipe smashed again and again on his inert form, I got to thinking. (Beating someone to death is a wonderful aid to calm reflection - try it!) Why am I a mac user? Being the man who wants to do for politics what Bill Gates did for the computing industry, why do I not use his machine of choice?

Simple. When I have compiled a roster of People Who Must Die, a fresh list of souls who must feel our flaming wrath, spiked disapproval, and Lead Pipes of Vengeance, and am ready to E-mail it out to my mindless, drooling hordes, so they can get off their fat, lazy, Doom-playing asses and do something good for the human race, the LAST thing in the universe I want is for my bloody influence to be delayed by having to go hack into my AUTOEXEC.BAT file to make the program work.

Hear me now! The Macintosh is the tool through which the greatest havoc may be dispersed. Mayhem has a really nasty learning curve. The easier the software, the more the blood, and the faster the domination.

I have spoken.

Now cease this petty bickering about which is better: Mac or PC, Old Trek or New Trek, Christianity or Judaism, Love or Hate, Chiclets or Tic Tacs, and get out there and kill.

Scorched Earth Party:

           "We're like computers. We don't love you. We get the job done. And when the crash comes, YOU FEEL IT."

- Jeff Vogel Scorched Earth Party


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