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Setting Up Your Baby’s Bassinet. Or Something.
The Poo Bomb (Warning only strong stomachs need apply.)
Cordelia at 5-7 months.
Cordelia at 9ish months.
Cordelia at 12ish months.

Setting Up Your Baby’s Bassinet. Or Something.

This article depicts the process of setting up the bassinet in which my baby Cordelia was to sleep. My goal was to create an environment which was comfortable, comforting, and stimulating to her tiny brain.

Bassinet 1
Step 1 – Reassuring We wanted the bassinet to be a place where Cordelia would feel comforted, even if mommy and daddy were off watching TV. Note the stuffed Power Puff girl. It is place just above where the baby’s head will be, so she can always see it.

Bassinet 2
Step 2 – Comfortable Next, we needed something there to keep the little girl wrapped up and warm. That is what we bought plastic bags for. They are airtight, so baby’s precious warmth won’t slip away.

Bassinet 3
Step 3 – Educational Finally, we needed some sort of learning toy. Something to stimulate the baby’s brain. Thus, the hammer and nails.

Conclusion –

Sadly, not every parent is as thoughtful and loving as I am. For example, my wife, when she saw the results of my planning and hard work, started screaming. She may or may not have stopped by now.

Early Pictures of Cordelia

(Warning only people with strong stomachs need apply. Click for more “fun.”)

Carrying Case Baby

Here is Cordelia in her natural habitat: the carrying case.

Poo Bomb

Cordelia’s first poo bomb. Or, at least, the first one Jeff had to face. Oh, the humanity!

Baby Roast

Our baby is miraculously saved by the inadequate size of our broiling pan. Darn you, baby!

Foo Foo

Another picture of our happy little angel.

Cordelia At 5 Months

Our little Gerber baby.

Baby Parade — Mathematically proven to have achieved perfect cuteness.

First Eats — Early attempt to feed solids. Note expression of limitless woe.

Baby Hat — Here we see baby, wearing an adorable bonnet. I’m going to get this blown up poster size and hang copies of it up all over the house. It will torment her.

Baby Drinking — Baby likes to drink from grown-up glasses. Cute!!!!!!!

Baby Eating 2 — The horrifying result of an early experiment feeding baby rice cereal.

Sitting — I thought this picture was a little dull, so I added an attacking, radioactive, green, flying blob of poo. Look out, baby!!!!!

Pictures of Cordelia At 9ish Months

For loyal fans of our baby’s adventures, here are more photos. Warning: May contain mild amounts of humor. Very mild.

Dining_Family — Dining Family
An adorable photo of Cordelia with her parents. Note how the baby has lashed out with her razor sharp claws, doing unexpected damage to mommy’s face.

Jewel_Head — Jewel Head
This was a picture of Cordelia sucking on a silver cup. I thought that that was sort of dull, so I changed it. Now Cordelia is sucking on the head of pleasant and non-threatening folk singer Jewel.

Teletubbies2 — Teletubbies 2
Cordelia watching TeleTubbies with rapt attention.

Teletubbies1 — Teletubbies 1
Cordelia watching TeleTubbies, viewed from the front. Note her total attention.

Poor_Face — Poor Face
Cordelia’s facial scabbing, caused by excess drool. Note that this picture makes the problem look much worse than it actually was. … OK. A little bit worse.

Carrot_Face — Carrot Face
Cordelia has moved on to solid foods. Here she is after we fed her a raw squirrel.

Pictures of Cordelia Around 12 Months

For fans of the baby and toddler journals, here, as some have requested, are a number of other pictures of the baby. This will make our nightmarish adventures much easier to picture in your brains.