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Welcome back!
Hi. I’m Jeff. I write humor sometimes, when I am not writing video games. I put that humor here. I wrote a lot of humor about babies. It was made…
THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1
THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1 Professor Vogel. 5 Questions, 60 Minutes. You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of Mormon. The speed of light…
The Lord of the Rings: A Brief, Correct Analysis
If you saw the Lord of the Rings movies, like me, and you thought it kicked total ass, you are a right-thinking person. Not the Hobbit trilogy, which was overlong,…
Helpful, Non-Threatening Quiz: Am I a Serial Killer?
As anyone who has been paying attention knows, the most important single element holding American culture together is serial killers. Those crafty fellows are everywhere, with their wily ways, their…
The Story About the Toddler, Epilogue.
Four years ago, my first child was born, so I started these journals. Four days ago, my second child was born, so I’m pretty much stopping. I think that everything…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 32.
Our daughter Cordelia is four now, and I’m just about through with writing about her. She just had her birthday party. It was a regular kid party, with her friends…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 31.
My daughter Cordelia is almost four years old. My potential daughter, [NAME TO BE DETERMINED LATER], is negative-three months old. The holiday seasons are grinding to a merciful close. Cordelia…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 30.
Our daughter Cordelia is three years and ten months old, and these journals are rapidly winding to a close. Cordelia has pretty much transformed herself from a baby into a…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 29.
As of this writing, our daughter Cordelia has just turned 45 months old. (A bit over three and a half years, for those who don’t care enough to work through…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 28.
Our daughter Cordelia is three and a half years old. She is more human all the time. And I mean that, of course, in the bad way. We can have…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 27.
Our daughter Cordelia is three years and four months old. Raising a three-year old is very educational. It is a chance to see what a human being is like in…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 26.
Our daughter Cordelia has reached three years, three months of age. She is still young enough to change rapidly as we watch. For example, recently, she has changed from a…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 25.
Our daughter Cordelia is now three years and two months old. Her mental improvement, as measured by the number of TV shows she can ask to see in any given…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 24.
Our daughter Cordelia just turned three. I still call her a toddler, although she really isn’t. She doesn’t toddle. She runs. A child turning three is a big change, in…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 23.
Our daughter Cordelia just passed through the last month of her third year of life. She spent a lot of that time having all-night coughing fits. Every night. I have…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 22.
Our daughter Cordelia has completed her thirty-fifth month of life. She is almost three. That means she will soon leave the “Terrible Twos” and enter the “Mediocre Threes,” followed by…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 21.
My daughter Cordelia is thirty-four months old, and she has finally decided, after a long period of adorable pleasantness, to empower herself. She has finally realized that, when her mother…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 20.
In this, our daughter Cordelia’s thirty-third month of life, she changed in several dramatic ways. Since children tend to be rather tedious and slow developing around this age, my wife…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 19.
Our daughter Cordelia is 32 months old. I’ve gotten through almost two and three quarter years of doing whatever it is I’ve been doing. Writing a monthly journal is a…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 18.
My daughter Cordelia is about thirty months old. I’m trying to write about it like I always do, but I’m finding it extremely difficult to concentrate. The weather is hot…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 17.
Our daughter Cordelia is two and a half years old. This is a major milestone. Though, at this point, every day we get through without shutting her in the closet…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 16.
My daughter Cordelia is now two and a half years old. Or somewhere in that area. After a certain point, you are allowed to stop keeping track. I am trying…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 15.
Our daughter Cordelia is 28 months old now, and I’m pretty much done. As I understand it, I still have 15 years and change to go before I can let…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 14.
Our daughter Cordelia is now 25 months old. This is, in theory, a marvelous time, because it’s when toddlers are starting to want to become independent human beings. They are…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 13.
My daughter Cordelia is two months into her second year, and it’s been two months since I’ve written anything about her. It’s hard to find interesting things to write about…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 12.
Our daughter Cordelia is two today. Two whole years of maintaining her, with a reasonable degree of success. The paint got a bit scratched sometimes, but we never bent the…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 11.
Our daughter Cordelia is 23 months old now. And, when I say daughter, I mean goblin. Some little girls are cute, demure, mommy-leg-clenchers. Not mine. She is pink and cute,…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 10.
Now our daughter Cordelia is 23 months old and getting close to her second birthday. She will soon be the age at which I once thought babies started showing human…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 9.
Cordelia, the toddler who cruel Fate placed in our care, is twenty-one months old. And she is still advancing, in all of the expected ways. Toddlers develop differently than babies…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 8.
Our daughter Cordelia is now twenty months old. As the loyal and, sadly, honest biographer of her young life, I must relate that she has truly begun to discover her…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 7.
Cordelia, the nineteen month old toddler to which I provide moderate-quality parenting care, continues to learn to think. For example, the other day, she got the Teletubbies DVD out of…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 6.
As my little toddler girl Cordelia has grown older, I have charted her progress by determining the animal she was most similar to. First, it was limpet. Then turtle. Then…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 5.
Cordelia, our little toddling girl, is now seventeen months old. At this age, her body grows slowly, but her brain develops extremely quickly. This is a problem. Consider this. Imagine…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 4.
Now that our baby Cordelia is sixteen months old, all of the pieces are falling into place. It is rapidly becoming clear that she is a sinister creature, a Bad…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 3.
Our little toddler Cordelia is now fifteen months old. Every day, she is more human and less funny. I am starting to feel a strange sort of empathy with her….
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 2.
Cordelia, the fruit of half of my DNA and the sole vessel for carrying my hopes and dreams into a gruesome future, is fourteen months old now. She’s old enough…
The Story About the Toddler, Volume 1.
Not long after our daughter Cordelia’s first birthday, she stood up on her own for the first time. About ten minutes after that, she decided that standing up was bullshit…
The Story About the Baby, Epilogue.
That’s it. We’ve had our baby girl Cordelia one full year. I’ve written a book’s worth of text about the creature. And since that’s more than I would ever actually…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 52.
Our little girl Cordelia is now one year old. The big o-n-e. Fifty two long weeks of not turning blue. We did the holiday up right. We took a vacation….
The Story About the Baby, Volume 51.
Our baby girl Cordelia is one week shy of her first birthday, and it’s like someone gave her smart pills or something. She’s showing real signs of brain activity. She…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 50.
Our baby daughter Cordelia is almost a year old. She is, you will be pleased to hear, still alive. Most of the credit for her continued survival goes to my…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 49.
Our baby daughter Cordelia is 11 months old now. And Christmas happened. I was really wondering if presents and holiday festivities would be enough to crack through my daughter’s Infant…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 48.
As our baby daughter Cordelia creeps closer to the end of her first year, she continues to pick up on the countless tiny skills she’ll need to get through life….
The Story About the Baby, Volume 47.
Now that my baby Cordelia is approaching the end of her eleventh month, she has been developing her ability to express negative opinions. While crying when she is upset is…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 46.
Our ten month old daughter Cordelia is cute. So cute. I could tell you all the cute things she does. Or I would, if it wouldnt be so mind-numbingly boring…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 45.
Our ten month old daughter Cordelia continues to develop at great speed. Babies are great for that. Every day, her desperate quest for mobility moves visibly closer to completion. A…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 44.
I’m sort of ashamed of how much more engaging I find my ten month old daughter Cordelia these days. I feel like it should not have taken actual evidence of…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 43.
Our baby daughter Cordelia turned ten months old today. She has been having a growth spurt in the brain region. Every day, she becomes visibly better at basic person things….
The Story About the Baby, Volume 42.
Our baby daughter Cordelia is well over nine months old, and I am told that she is doing very well. Since the house is packed with grandparents, I am currently…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 41.
Our baby daughter Cordelia is still alive. At the age of nine months, she is advancing in all the expected ways. She is crawling better – she is now using…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 40.
So what has our nine month old daughter Cordelia been up to? Well, her crawling speed has doubled in the last week. She can really scuttle now. And she has…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 39.
Our darling daughter Cordelia is now a full nine months old. She scares me. When I first thought about having a baby (well, having my wife have a baby), I…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 38.
Soon, our baby daughter Cordelia will be nine months old. Other people think that the first birthday is really important. I’m much more interested in the beginning of her ninth…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 37.
Our baby daughter Cordelia is over 8 months now and … blah, blah, blah. Who cares? We have a Nintendo now! Surprisingly, it is my wife that is addicted to…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 36.
As of this writing, my wife and I are still raising Cordelia, our eight month old daughter. It’s sort of grueling, thankless work at this point. My wife and I…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 35.
Now that my daughter Cordelia is eight months old, I should now bring loyal readers of this journal up to date on her status. She is a spine-stressing twenty pounds…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 34.
Our baby girl, Cordelia, is approaching the end of her eighth month of life. Her little brain continues to develop in leaps and bounds. Every day she gets closer to…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 33.
Our baby daughter Cordelia has almost completed her eighth month of life. Her time is mostly spent muttering random syllables and trying to move straight forward. When she’s on her…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 32.
Our little girl, Cordelia, is a happy baby. She is seven months and seventeen pounds of burbling, cheery joy. This provides me with great satisfaction. Every little bit, every tiny…
The Story About the Baby, Volume 31.
My little baby girl, Cordelia, continues to show more signs of intelligence. Example. Before, when I tried to feed solid food to her and she didn’t want to cooperate, I…