This page contains a highly subjective selection of the finest writings to ever appear on this web site. Now you don’t have to sort through all of the chum in the archives. Just read and savor. Mmmmm …

Greatest Hits

The Story About the Toddler, Volume 18.

ByspidwebOct 6, 202010 min read

My daughter Cordelia is about thirty months old. I’m trying to write about it like I always do, but I’m finding it extremely difficult to concentrate. The weather is hot here, and our trash can in front of the house is completely swarming with maggots. I can not think about…

The Story About the Toddler, Volume 17.

ByspidwebOct 6, 20208 min read

Our daughter Cordelia is two and a half years old. This is a major milestone. Though, at this point, every day we get through without shutting her in the closet is a milestone. As I understand it, when you put your kid in the closet, the shouting can get really…

The Story About the Toddler, Volume 16.

ByspidwebOct 6, 20209 min read

My daughter Cordelia is now two and a half years old. Or somewhere in that area. After a certain point, you are allowed to stop keeping track. I am trying to truly savor every one of these precious toddler days. The time when your child is two is a special…

The Story About the Toddler, Volume 15.

ByspidwebOct 6, 202011 min read

Our daughter Cordelia is 28 months old now, and I’m pretty much done. As I understand it, I still have 15 years and change to go before I can let her crawl into the underbrush and fend for herself. But I’m not sure I can make it. I’m getting really…

The Story About the Toddler, Volume 14.

ByspidwebOct 6, 20208 min read

Our daughter Cordelia is now 25 months old. This is, in theory, a marvelous time, because it’s when toddlers are starting to want to become independent human beings. They are realizing that everything, from putting on their clothes to wiping up their crap, is being done for them. And this…

The Story About the Toddler, Volume 13.

ByspidwebOct 6, 20209 min read

My daughter Cordelia is two months into her second year, and it’s been two months since I’ve written anything about her. It’s hard to find interesting things to write about a toddler. It’s not that she hasn’t done anything interesting. Interesting to me, that is. She does cute things all…

The Story About the Toddler, Volume 12.

ByspidwebOct 6, 20207 min read

Our daughter Cordelia is two today. Two whole years of maintaining her, with a reasonable degree of success. The paint got a bit scratched sometimes, but we never bent the chassis. Birthday observations for infants and toddlers are not for the benefit of the children. They are for the parents.…

The Story About the Toddler, Volume 11.

ByspidwebOct 6, 20209 min read

Our daughter Cordelia is 23 months old now. And, when I say daughter, I mean goblin. Some little girls are cute, demure, mommy-leg-clenchers. Not mine. She is pink and cute, but she stomps around the house, taking things, grunting, and baring her teeth, in a distinctly goblinish way. Sometimes, she…

The Story About the Toddler, Volume 10.

ByspidwebOct 6, 20208 min read

Now our daughter Cordelia is 23 months old and getting close to her second birthday. She will soon be the age at which I once thought babies started showing human characteristics. I grew up with almost no exposure to infants. I always knew that babies were inert lumps before their…